Crawling out of madness [Tag John Smith]

Jim had no idea how long he's been running, but he couldn't bring himself tocare that his legs hurt or that he had trouble cathing his breath. he just needed to egt away, away! But from what? The twins? his friends? His home? ....himself.
He tripped over something and fell face forward, bruising his hands, legs and face.
He rolled right into a tree, making him finally come to a stop.
He took deep, hevay breath's, his eyes wide and staring up at the dark sky that the branches from the tree allowed him to see.
He didn't feel any pshyical pain, beaucse really he hand't gotten hurt at all.
His cloths were still soaked with blood, his hands partically red from it and his face had blood smeared all over it.
What have I done? Why did I do it? WHy did I enjoy it?!
The question keept repeating itself inside his mind, along with all the screams from the innocent he had killed.
He sat up and coverd his ears, clsoing his eyes, trying to shut the whole wolrd out.
I'm sorry I'm so sorry....!

The moment John Smith knew the Korso twins appeared he knew Jim would be in trouble. He practically disappeared from the village trying to get stronger. But it was a cold and lonely night like that one that he had heard most horrifying news.

"Jim!" he shouted over and over, "Jim!" The blonde had been running all over town in order to find him, for some odd reason he wasn't able to, and since he look every single shop and corner in town he decided to run to the woods. He was too busy thinking of everything that he heard, and watch to even get tired of running.
Running through the woods desperate to find the lost boy he frowned, stopped running and took the deepest breath someone could take and shouted, "JIM!" so hard that even some birds were forced to leave their nests.

He began to breathe again and stayed quiet listening, he heard someone close and the only one who was on his mind was that kid, he run towards the sound finding himself with the young teen he was looking him.
His eyes were widened as he noticed the blood on his clothes despise the darkness around. He'll willingly crawl back. Those words came back to John's memory, looking at the boy he was feeling so angry and so sorry for him. He walked towards Jim determined, "Are you going to stop running?"

Jim could hear someone shouting his name, yet at the same time not.
He kept covering his ears and rocked himself back and forth slightly. It's oevr now... it's over... Ariel and the otehrs were ok, he'd done a good job. Good job? How was any of what he just did good?! He had killed innocent people! Innocent and useless people...!
He shaked his head violently, digging his fingers painfully into his skull.
He was sounding like them. He had even enjoyd it. The screams, their fear, the blood. Oh god all the blood. He could still smell it, still see it ahead of him as he slayed them. ANd it only got him excited.
He felt another precense behind him and made himself litsen to the familiar man's words.
He idn't move to get up or turn around, just let his arms fall down to his sides.
He felt so empty, so dead. He might as well be.

John frowned, his anger wasn't for Jim exactly, the only reason why Jim could lose it and done such a horrible thing would be because of those twins' influence. He walked by in front of the boy to take him by his clothes, "Are you listening?!" he asked sightly shaking him noticing the emptiness on the boy's eyes. "Explain yourself! Explain yourself NOW!"
Some part of the knight was unsure if that was a good way to treat him in that moment, he knew he had to calm down, but the truth is that he was scared, he was scared that the Jim he knew, the boy he understood at some point, the good that lied in him would vanished into the darkness and get lost.

When John shaked him, Jim didn't react. It was as if he wans't even there.
His mind, at leats wans't.
"It's ok," he suddenly spoke up an oushed himslef back up onto his feet. "She's safe, and the others... they should be safe too."
he wasn't talking to John, he braely understood he was standing right there in front of him.
His gaze was still empty as a twisted smile crawled up on his face and started to laugh. Everything was so damn amusing someone. Everyone was stupid, everyhting was pointless in the end. Just like Jim had always said. He told to thme to saty away from him, thta he doens't want anyone near. But did they litsen? Of course not, who'd litsen to a boy?
They all deserved what happend to them.

"Jim?" The blonde knight asked in a whisper.

John noticed the reaction, he have seen those eyes before, the madness. That's everything it was, madness, and it wasn't even his, it was the madness someone introduce to him. John felt like he couldn't let Jim embrace that kind of madness. "jim!" he shouted once more noticing he will not respond, he knew Jim was losing it, the blonde frowned and once he closed his fist he gave Jim a hard punch on his face in order to make him respond, "Jim! WAKE UP!" he shouted.
John usually wouldn't used strength to solve things like that but in this case he needed to do an exception. He actually as soon as he punch him regret it, how many times has anyone punch Jim? How many times has anyone abuse from him? This didn't make him different from the others did it. "Jim!" he shouted again with regretful eyes, he didn't want to hurt the kid he wanted to help him, he truly wanted to.

Jim fell back againt the tree by the punch, shutting up. His expression turned blank again as he rubbed his yaw, not taing any notcie to the small trail of blood. His afce was coverd with it already, more couldn't hurt.
Finally, he looked up at John, really looked at him.
He was knight, one of the honorble few ones. Why did he punsh him? Hadn't eh himself promsed he would do anything he could to help Jim, even thoguh the teen sai he did not want it?
The dark, cruel smirke came back again and eh titled his head. "What's wrong Smith? Afraid of a little brat?" he mocked.

John felt relief by seeing that the boy finally looked at him at last, and even if he began to mock at him at least he knew that he was back, in a way. At least he felt that now they could actually talk, Jim was only a boy and needed to learn.
John didn't felt offended at all, if it wasn't because he was still angry he would even laugh about it, but that wasn't a time of laughter, the time of laughter had been taken away. "What's wrong Jim Hawkins? Decided to follow daddy's steps?" he asked back knowing that his words will be like another slap for the boy. Other day he would be there to tell 'useless' speeches and laughing of his mocking, but that day, John was making himself sound firm and his glared showed how determined he was. Afraid of a little brat? that's a good joke.
"Honestly, I believed you were better than that" he added without taking his eyes from Jim's, he still believed in him, but he also believed that he needed help.

Jim leaned against the tree, his legs numb and wanting to give in.
"Of course I didn't," he responded, still smirking. The exact same one the twins had. "I did it beacuse I had too, not beacuse I wanted it," he laughed, holdig on to a branch to keep him standing him up.
He wans't hurting, he was just so damn tired.
"And better then what exactly? Or who? " he chuckled, not carign that he wasn't making any sense. "I never cared abut being better, as long as they don't hurt them.... her. I'm good."

"Oh is that so? You looked like you pretty much enjoy it a few seconds ago!" John snapped still frowning and listening to the boy who seemed to look weaker and weaker at each second.
He tried to calm himself down, which wasn't as easy as anyone thought, "From your damn and sick father and uncle perhaps? From what everyone except a few actually expected from you?" he said with his deep voice, "Oh so now the meaning of protection is kill everyone else, murder men, women even children in some cases, yeah! let's murder them just to protect only one person!" he said raising his hands as if he was talking to a circus crowd, he turned to Jim then, "I'm sorry to wake you up, but that's not the way on protecting someone, has for any reason cross your mind that probably that someone you wanted to protect now will probably fear you? or probably be distant with you now?" he added still trying to hole his obvious anger.

For some reason, thta only made Jim laugh more. "You're so stupid Smith," he chuckled, his legs finally giving out udner him and he slumed back down to the ground. "That's only good! Don't you get it+ Now they'll levae ehr out of this if she keeps her distance from me..."
He stared dwon at his hands, the colour only reminding him off how terrifed Ariel had been.
He had always like this color. Red. Such a butiful color to have.
He blinked when he felt something else roll down his cheek, and it wasn't the blood from those he have killed this time.

By hearing him he turned looking angrier than ever, "If you did this because they threaten you to hurt her then that doesn't make you any better from..." he then had to stopped himself by seeing at the boy who had fell to the floor. He remembered that time when he saw him broken as well, but it was different, completely different. In that time Jim was scared and alone, right now he was falling apart, falling into darkness, John tried to actually gain control but, just the thought of Jim murdering people out of nowhere, just the thought he dared to do it made him angrier. He shouted out loud as he took a dagger and threw it against a tree, "This is nothing but a game those two are playing Jim, a game and they used you to either test you or just to get some entertainment, or any other sick reason" he said, "You think I'm stupid?" he then turned to Jim and face him, "At least I do not murder and break families apart and grow fear to others, if that's being smart, I rather be stupid. And even if you were forced to do it you had a choice, there's a choice for everything" he began to say as he approach towards the boy and knee to be eye-to-eye with him.
"And you chose the most easier answer" he added looking at him now feeling sorry for Jim, but his fear suddenly left, the tear that fell on Jim's face made him know, "Call me whatever you want, but I'm not going to lose faith in you, despise that you did wrong, completely wrong and despise the fact that i'm really angry right now I still will not lose this faith in you"

"...I can't stay here."
He had heard all of john's wrods clealry, he had even tried to litsen. But it was as if his mind had stopped tkaing in anything happenign right now, like he was compeltley broken now, with no way to fix him.
...there had never been a way to fix him. Jim had been broken from the very start. he ha just been an empty shell pretending to live, to care... pretending to try and get a life.
He had alwasy claimed to hat this place, this god froskane town hat slowy drianed him. It had never been this stupif city, ot it's worthless citicens. Just him.
He hung his head and coverd his fcae again witn his blood drenched hands. "I can't be here...."
His shoudler was shaking, his vocie started to tremble and more tears roll down hs cheeks. He thoguth he didn't ahve more tears to spill afetr all this time. Apparnetly he had. He had always been and always be nothing more thna stupid kid.

John raised his head, eyes on Jim, listening to him, his words stab the blonde, it was as if Jim didn't need to say anything else to make John understand him and feel his pain. It was as Jim's words washed the anger away even if it was for a second. I can't stay here, I can't be here, his words echoed on John's head over and over. He passed a hand through his hear ending covering his mouth as he examined the boy.
He was just a victim, another innocent victim transformed into something the boy even hated, he didn't hesitate on approaching to the boy in order to hold him on his arms, he knew Jim was washed on his own victim's blood but he'd been far worse. How many times have been Jim hugged by a male figure? How many times has his own father show him love? How many times he tried or even worried about Jim? Those questions keep haunting the knight who was willing on not letting go of Jim.
He sighed frowning, "You can't run away forever...you must face it, you must face everything and everyone who appears on your way...you must be strong enough to face it, you must understand"

As he felt the others arms wrapp around him, he firts wnated to push him away like he always did. But this time, he was to tired to care. And the comfort... maybe Jim really did need it.
He let his teras fall freely now as he cried silently.
"I tried to stop them...." he spoke up, firts now realising for real that someone else beside him was here, embraicing him, trying to help him.
"You don't know them, so don' come with your shit of always ahving a choice. You don't fucking know them..."
He weakly tried to push the older man away from him, but even his arms had seemed to give in fully.
"Ariel... I need to make sure she's alright...!" he sounded paniced by now. "I killed all those people, just for them... Not beaucse I wanted to, so why the hell did I fucking enjoy it?!"

John listened to him, he was not planning to speak until Jim finished, and the more he listened the more he cared and the tighter he hold Jim, not too tight to hurt him though, just tight enough to let him now that he was there for him. A friend. A brother.

"Let me guess, two grown up men confident about themselves and their strength, taking you to a corner, making you feel like a useless piece of scum, finding a way to hurt you and the others just for pleasure. Threatening to take the only light of hope and happiness that you have left, feeling alone, and scared you can look for any other answer, you believe their words...you see how sick and true evil in their eyes, you can't think, you can't plan, you can only act. You are forced to act in a way because...you feel as if your strength is not enough, suddenly you feel completely weak, without an escape, and without no one to help you. Am I wrong?" he said as he placed a hand on the boy's head looking once in a while to him, feeling his own words and the pain it can even cause.

"Now calm down, calm down" he said as he noticed the change of tone in Jim's voice, "I'm sure she's alright, you're here...she must be somewhere safe at the moment and probably worried about you...but you must be calm if you want to see her, calm and...clean" he said. He then widened his eyes for his question, the only thing John could do was to think of theories, "Maybe...perhaps it was because you let your anger, frustration and sadness go away in a way that...well, wasn't the proper one. Is like when you get in a fight, for whatever reason a part of you is relief while the other part of you regrets it" he said trying to help he rubbed Jim's arm with a hand in a friendly and comforting way as he looked down to the teen with saddened eyes.

Jim frowned and managed to push away a little to get a look on John's face. There someone went again, talking as if they knew and understood everything. Why can't they just... fucking stop that already.
"You wouldn't say that if you knew like I do Smith, if you gre up with the," he mumbled tiredly. "They dind't do that for entertaiment... and if i had refused, which I first did and failed miserably, they would've killed the others anyway... they were really close to do it..."
He raised one to rub his forehead, his mind was still a mess, he couldn't think clearly, he had just spilled out the first things that he thought of at the moment.
Seeing the red color in his ahnd when he drew it back once again his eyes filled woth sorrow. Ariel would never even look at him again. But thta's good... if she stayed away. If she hated him.

John looked at him showing true concern, as he always have been, as more anger grew through him, but it wasn't against Jim, he realized he wasn't angry at him, it was those damn twins.
"Then tell me" he said with a firm touch, "Tell me what is it that you can't stand, tell me what is it that you need, I can't believe that after this time you still believe you're on your own because you're not." he added hoping that Jim would speak at last of his true fear, of his feelings, if he didn't let them out it would kill him inside, and therefore it would be easy to manipulate him as those twins did.
He noticed how he stood quiet for a moment, and he let him be lost on his own thoughts, although one thought specifically cross his mind.
Everyone needs saving. And that thought made him believe that it was probably not too late for Jim.

Jim went quiet again for a moment, staring dwon at his hands with tried and hollow eyes.
What was it exactly that Jim feard? Not even eh was sure about anymore. he had thoguth his fear for his father had died long ago, but was that really the problem? Was it really those twins that scared him?
What do i want, what do i need? What can't stand in life anymore? Oh that's right, it was life itself he couldn't stand.
He clenched his fists. He wasn't gonna give up just yet. Not yet.
"I need to get cleand up."

John looked at him and noticed how the boy was debating himself deep down, he nodded as he knew the boy needed time.
"You need new clothes, the blood in it will not go away that easy, if you let me...I'll company you" he said as he stood up and give a hand to the boy to help him, if he couldn't stand himself by his own at least he will with a little help. And despise of his words he would accompany him even if the kid wanted it or not.
He gave him a small smile reassuring him that he'll be alright and that he could trust the knight, because he could, he always could trust in him no matter what.

He stared at the hand before hesitatingly letting John help him up. Hilegs felt like jelly and he had to lean against thet´tree quckly to not fall over again.
"You're a bad knight Smith," he mumbled and stumbled away from the tree. "Helping the bad guy."
He sowly slipped of his belove jacket, first thinking of just throwing it away but stopped himself.
An image of a fraglie little boy clingin to an teenager holding very same jacket appeard in his mind, and he folded it instead and hled it close to his chest. He could still keep this... he'll just clean it.

John noticed the weakness on Jim´s body, he shook his head as the teen spoke, true be told that he shouldn´t be helping him, he was a knight he had to bring him in the dungeons but wouldn´t that be part of the game as well?
"Believe whatever you want, right now is not my watch so technically I would say this is a friend helping another friend" he dared to say as he walked and knee in front of Jim giving him his back. "C´mon, I´ll take you, you´re too weak right now to even stand on your own" he said prepared to carry Jim on his back and help him, although a big part of him was tempted to bring Jim to the dungeons his senses told him that perhaps the ones that need to be in the dungeons were the minds behind the act.

Jim was prepared to be arrested, and if john ended up taking him to the dungeouns, well, that would surpirse the teen. Heel, jim couldn't even bring himself to care.
He gave in and let John carry him, leaing his head heavily agaisnt the older man's shoudler.
He was so tired, when was the last time eh actually slept? His eyes felt so heavy and let them close.
"I'm so sorry..." he mumbled sleepily. "I didn't try hard enough..."

John stood up to carry better of the boy, he was heavier than he thought but not too heavy to not being able to carry him. He felt Jim's head over his shoulder and once he spoke he froze for a moment, a faint smile was invading to appear, he nodded right away knowing that it didn't matter what happened next, what anyone would say, Jim was boy in an age where he will become a man. But all his innocence was stolen, and he was forced to act as sick adult.
But Jim's words, it was the very first time he heard him admitting something, making the hope he had for him grew wider, despise of what he did.
"You'll get your second chance Jim" John said meaning it, believing in him, while he began to walk, "Now, where at to?" he asked looked slightly back at the boy with a small and concerned smile, as he thought where could he be safe? Where can Jim go and be safe?

Jim barely notcied that John had started to walk, his eyes closed and arms haning aimlessly at his sides. His body wasn't hurting, only his head. That god damn headahce! Why couldn't it just go away.
"You'll get your second chance Jim"
He wanted to laugh, but even his voice was to tired it seemed. second chance? What second chancem eh already blew all thos chances a long time ago.
Feeling himsel slowly slipping into unconsciousness, he didn't bother replying to John's question. And even if did have the stamina, Jim wouldn't know where to go now.